Kotex Tips for Life

I dont know who wrote this -- but it gave me such a laugh that I had to post it! Ladies, get ready for a chuckle... Gentlemen --try to keep up.

I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my pantiliner had a bunch
of"Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such as:

*Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
*Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
*Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh.
*Try Kotex blah blah blah other products...

Obviously the individual behind this was someone who has never possessed
a functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman that
drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh. Like we
need more fluid inside our bloated bodies from hell...but go ahead...I
triple-dog-friggen-dare-ya... See what happens and report back.

I'll wait.

While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the chocolate
from the vending machine. I garan-damn-tee you that the first responders
will be females who just ovulated.
Staying active will relieve headaches & cramps...well guess what, the
only activities that interest me is Eating..sleeping..bitching or crying for
no apparent reason.. ...and oh...does ripping someone's head off count as a
friggen' activity?????
Look, females don't need or want tips for living on their feminine
hygiene products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that from
elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted their own
recipes for survival, many containing alcohol & barbiturates.
Printing out crap advice while sneaking in ads for the brand that was
already purchased is just plain annoying, not to mention rude, and is
enough to send a girl running to the Always brand.

It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces
or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging. Put the
crap in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it in our carts discreetly
and have it blend in among the wine and beer.

There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package
announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store. Why don't ya just
add an in-store microphone to the damn package & announce that...helloooo,
another female in the store is starting!!!!!

So take your tips for living and your cute bunnies & the smiley faces and
shove them right up your ___!
P.S. How about adding a free sample of Pamprin & maybe a shot of Bourbon to
your packages instead?

Sara Bears first day of first grade...

First day of school... she did great. We were so proud of her -- no problems at all.

We went across the street to the daycare there to get information for Jin and LITERALLY there was a daycare teacher out in her caron break smoking a cig and DRINKING A BEER... 9:30 in the morning.

We won't be taking our daughter there...

Here are some pics of Sara's first day... I ca't blink -- if I do I will open my eyes to see her graduating from highschool...

Stole this from my budy Babygirl

What is your salad dressing of choice? Homemade Buttermilk ranch

What is your favorite fast food restaurant? GOTTA have Arby's. Also Braums -- a regional ice cream/hamburger joint based in OKC.

What is your favorite sit down restaurant? hmmmm thats a toughie...Probably Red Lobster. OOOh, I also love Texas Road House. What can I say? Im from Oklahoma. We like our red meat...

What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Ice Cream. I never get tired of it -- Especially in the winter. Wierd, huh?

Name two foods you detest above all others? Soul Food like Chitlins and hog feet. Ewwww.

What are your pizza toppings of choice? Black olive and Mushroom. Oooh and the Claifornia chicken at Mazzios. YUM

What is your favorite type of gum? Extra Watermelon. YUm. The flavor just lasts and lasts... lolol

Number of contacts in your cell phone? oh geez, hang on -- 43

Number of contacts in your email address book? WOW - 43. Amazing.

What is your wallpaper on your computer? Nothing - it was taking way to long for things to run becasue of it so I took it off. Will someone take pity and buy me a new computer?

What is your screensaver on your computer? Look at the last pitiful question

How many line phones do you have in your house? one. But wait, you didnt ask how many cordless phones. We have two categories -- We have 1 cordless that works and 3 thats barely/don't work.

What kitchen appliance do you use the least? Umm Monty's stupid juicer -- I keep waiting for him ot put it away to get it off my counterspace.

What is the format of the radio station you listen to the most? Kinda everything -- literally -- I think they say they are today's best music... whatever that means

What do you consider to be your best physical attribute? My face. Everything else -- I need a do-over on.

Have you ever had anything removed from your body? My appendix, and several ovarian cysts

Do you prefer to read when you go to the bathroom? No -- get in get out -- thats my Motto concerning that.

When was the last time you had a cavity? About 13 years ago, I take as much care as I can in that area because I seriously have a ferrer, no strike that - holy terror concerning the dentist. Even the smell of the place... uuugh

What is the heaviest item you lift regularly? My kiddos -- oh, and my husbands GINORMOUS ego.

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? I dont know -- I really don't think so -- I want to live my life to the fullest on a daily basis... I try to always -- but I never want ot go to bed angry, or not kiss my babies goodnight... I might not be there tomorrow.

If you could change your first name, what would you change it to?
I wouldnt. I love it -- I guess I would change it to Janna - after my Mom - but I love the name she gave me.

How do you express your artistic side? I paint -- it's usually bright, colorful and childish but I dont care! I also take photographs -- I love to take pictures of people.

What color do you think you look best in? Coral pink - I get so many compliments.

How long do you think you could last in a medium security prison? I wouldnt be able to -- that is why I ever do ANYTHING wrong!

Have you ever swallowed a nonfood item? Yes...

If we weren't bound by society's conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at? Nope. Not one.

Have you ever saved someone's life? Yes, I saved my Moms several times. I still cannot forgive myself for not being able to save her that last time though...

Has someone ever saved yours? My mom Im sure. I was a tomboy

Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000? CASH? Absolutely... but Mamma would be POWERWALKING... LOL

Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100? Yes -- it's a given... LOL Im guess I really money

Would you have sex with a member of the same sex for $10,000? Refer to the last question... LOLOL

Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000? Absolutely -- wait, would I have anestesia?

Would you never blog again for $50,000? OMG YES... BYE!

Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000? uuuh naw.

Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000? Nope. It's not my place to act as God.

Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000? NO! Its not enough. I LOOOVE my hair.

Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000? Absolutely! What TV?

To work or not to work... that is the question

I have been mulling this very question over in my head the last 2 weeks. A lot of you have been wondering and asking where in the heck I have been this summer... well, I went and got a "part-time" job for extra moolah and let my teenagers babysit for met his summer - - a job that I was only supposed to be working 20 hours a week on and I have been clocking 28-30 hours instead.

But here is my delimma --

School starts next week (thank the GODS of education) and Sara starts her first years of all day school which leaves Jinny Wren being the only child home and me looking for a babysitter that doesnt charge my freaking hourly wage. I found a place that only charges $4 an hour -- but literally thats almost haf of my hourly wage at this measly job.

I really dont want to quit. I love having the extra money, and having adults to hang around with again, but is does not seem feesable for me to go to allllll that trouble for 4 hours a day.

Grrrrrrrr.

I feel like such the jerk too because I know there are parents that HAVE to workand would love to even consider the option of staying home.

I think I may have made a mistake in going to work this summer too because my teenagers took it apon themselves to become the Hitler's of this house to my younger kids. And my daughter Amber? If there was a rule set into place, she made it her goal in life to break it every which way to Sunday. Seriously. My teenagers think they rule this roost.

I guess I am in a funk tonight... and I have to go to work in the morning so I cant have a beer (or three) to chill out --

Sex is not an option tonight either...

Bummer.


On a lighter note, I promise to be diligent in blogging more... Ive missed you guys too.